


Honeysuckle

by Spoonfulofhoney



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Boys Kissing, Crying, Cute, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-30 15:49:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17831528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spoonfulofhoney/pseuds/Spoonfulofhoney
Summary: Oikawa is hurting after a crushing defeat at one of Aoba Johsai’s matches, which seems to be a recurring result lately. Iwaizumi is there to help take the pain away.





	Honeysuckle

“Iwa-chan?” A small voice echoed from the corner of the dark locker room. Iwaizumi, who was at the door, came in, looking for Oikawa. They were supposed to ride home together after the match, but Oikawa was taking longer than usual so Iwaizumi had gotten worried.

Iwaizumi scanned the room and when he found Oikawa sitting on the floor, his back against the lockers, hugging his knees to his chest, he knew he wasn't alright. Oikawa had gotten upset before after losing a match, but Iwaizumi knew that losing this match was different. This time, the team lost by a huge amount. Oikawa had had a hard time scoring the few points he had managed to. He knew that Oikawa would blame himself, even though he knew it wasn't all his fault, its just the way he was, and recently Oikawa wasn't acting like himself. He thought he was doing a good job at hiding it, but Iwaizumi could tell.

Iwaizumi came over to him, unsure about what to do. He had rarely seen Oikawa like this. Oikawa lifted his face to Iwaizumi and his eyes shone with tears. Iwaizumi didn't know when the last time he had seen Oikawa cry was; perhaps when they were kids. Right now, Iwaizumi wasn't sure what he was supposed to do or say but he did know that he felt angry. He was mad that Oikawa was crying over this. How many times had he told him that when they lost, they did it as a team. He wanted to shake him, wanted to yell at him for being so stupid.

“Don’t be mad.” Oikawa said, eyes lowering to the ground, “I know its not my fault, but for some reason I just can't…I can't help but feel like it is. And…” he moved, clutching his heart, “it hurts…I feel like I’ve let everyone down, let you down.” He said and when his eyes met Iwaizumi’s, clear with the tears he hadn’t shed, Iwaizumi knew this wasn't the time to be angry with him. He didn't need to be yelled at right now, he needed his friend.

Iwaizumi knelt down, placing his bag on the floor. Although he didn't know exactly how to handle this situation, he was going to try. Oikawa needed him, he needed him to say the right thing at the right time, needed him to lean on for comfort and support and Iwaizumi, in his heart, was glad that he was the one person in Oikawa’s life that could be there for him. The one person Oikawa could trust when he was like this. Oikawa was important to him, despite how it might look to others, he was someone he cared deeply for. Maybe even more than he let himself believe.

He sat down next to Oikawa and Oikawa hugged his knees tighter to his chest, it was like he was subconsciously protecting his heart. Iwaizumi didn't like it. His usually strong and proud friend, reduced to this, just because they lost. It wasn't right, but he knew that it wasn't just today’s loss that was weighing on him. He had seen this coming, he knew that Oikawa hadn’t been acting like himself lately, but he didn't want to say anything. He thought Oikawa would be strong enough to handle it on his own, but he had been wrong. Obviously, Oikawa wasn’t doing as well as he claimed he was.

“Look.” Iwaizumi said, his voice coming out sharper than he wanted it to. “I'm sorry. I was on the court too.” He said. “and don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been off lately. This is my fault for not talking to you about it sooner.” he told him, the guilt clawing its way into his heart.

Oikawa sighed, and he didn't turn to look at Iwaizumi. “It was me, it’s always me…”

“No!” Iwaizumi shouted, voice echoing in the empty room. “Were a team. We win and lose as a whole. We don’t blame each other or ourselves.” He said, hating that he was losing his calm. He hadn’t wanted to yell, he knew it would only make it worse.

Oikawa stilled. Iwaizumi heard a sniff and when Oikawa turned to look at him, tears stained his cheeks. Iwaizumi just stared, he hadn’t wanted this.

Oikawa spoke softly. “I sucked. I don’t know if I can keep playing. We haven’t been winning, Iwaizumi. I haven’t been able to score with my serves.” He said and the pain in his voice made Iwaizumi’s blood run hot, how could Oikawa say that?  “Let’s face it,” he continued, “I'm not good anymore. I'm holding everyone back. You and the rest of the team should play without me.”

Iwaizumi grabbed him by the shoulders. He was furious. “Shut up Oikawa! I don’t want to hear things like that from you, you know just as well as I do that you are a vital member of the team, you-”

Oikawa grabbed Iwaizumi’s wrist, he looked at him, eyes serious. “I am not the same as I was. Denying it isn’t helping. I can feel it. My body, my mind...something inside of me isn’t right anymore. I can't see where I want my serves to go, I can't feel it... I try but I can't seem to envision myself winning, and even worse, when I do score, I’m not happy. So, don’t tell me that you need me. It makes it worse. Especially coming from you. You don’t need someone like that on the team. You know that everyone would be better off without me-”

“Stop!” Iwaizumi yelled. He couldn’t listen to this. Unable to take anymore, he grasped Oikawa’s chin with his hand and forced him to look him in the eye. “Listen to me. I'm telling you this as your friend, not your teammate. You are important. You think that I and the other guys only like you for your talent? I certainly don’t. You and I are friends! Friends not because you're good at volleyball, but because no matter what we are always there for each other. So right now, as your friend, I'm am telling you to stop. Stop thinking that I could just replace you, stop thinking that winning and losing is all I care about.”

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa said, blinking tears out of his eyes and Iwaizumi let his face go, feeling slightly embarrassed at the words that came from his mouth. But Oikawa didn't seem embarrassed at hearing them, instead a weak smile appeared on his face.

“What if I could never play volleyball again, would you still be my partner?” he asked quietly, eyes lowering.

Iwaizumi noticed his lashes were wet and that his cheeks were pinker than they had been a moment ago. Maybe Iwaizumi had said too much. “Well of course, I just said that.”

Oikawa sighed. His face was serious and sad, but he lowered his legs and turned to face Iwaizumi. He rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand before speaking. “Iwa-chan, that makes me happy but as I am now I don’t think I can keep playing. It feels like something is wrong inside of me, its like I'm broken, like I can't feel the ball anymore, not like I used to and…its scary. I don’t know what to do. What should I do?” he asked, a tone of helplessness in his voice.

Iwaizumi didn't know what to say. He didn't know how to help. He didn't understand what Oikawa meant. He wasn't sure he could do anything to help and that thought made him feel awful. It hurt, he hated it. Oikawa was looking at him with an expression that made Iwaizumi realize that whatever he said next would either save him or make everything worse.

He swallowed. “Maybe…” he started but he stopped. He didn't want to give Oikawa empty words, didn't want to say something just for the sake of saying it. He looked away from that expectant gaze. “I'm sorry, I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to make your pain go away.” He said, clenching his fist. He felt useless. What good was it doing to tell Oikawa that he was his friend when ultimately, he could do nothing for him.

Oikawa shifted a little and Iwaizumi felt a weight against his shoulder. When he looked at Oikawa, his eyes were closed. “Maybe, for now, could you just stay here. I know we have to go home but I think that having you here is helping. You don’t have to do anything, just knowing that you want to help makes me feel a little bit better.” He said, opening his eyes to take in Iwaizumi’s expression.

Iwaizumi didn't move. All he could think about was how close Oikawa was, their shoulders were touching, and Oikawa was warm. “I'm not going anywhere.” He said, hoping he didn't sound too pleased about the request. It did make him happy that he could at least do this much. He could stay and wait until Oikawa was ready to go.

Oikawa laid his head against Iwaizumi’s shoulder and sighed. “You know its funny…” He said, a small chuckle escaping his lips, “I always act like I know what I'm doing, like I'm strong and somebody to look up to but in reality, I don’t know what I'm doing. Like at all. If I didn't have you beside me, stopping me when I go too far or when I get too inside my head, I honestly don’t know who I would be. I don’t even care if its weird to say but Iwa-chan…” his voice grew softer, “don’t ever leave me okay? You're my strength and the only reason why I can keep going. It was because you were depending on me that I was able to play in these last matches even though my heart was no longer in it. You’d be mad if I quit, is what I told myself and I didn't want that. I just want it to be like it used to be. When we were kids, out in your backyard throwing the ball around. Do you think it could ever be like that again?”

Iwaizumi felt the room get warmer, those words… Was he truly Oikawa’s strength? “I- um…”

Oikawa lifted his head and turned his body towards Iwaizumi. “Iwa-chan, could you hold me.” he asked.

Iwaizumi blushed. He couldn’t help it. It was such a direct question that he barely had time to process it. “W-wouldn’t that be weird to do, I mean…” but he didn't know what he meant. Why would it be weird? Oikawa wanted comfort, it was normal, wasn't it? But the way his heart raced at the thought of holding the other boy in his arms told him it wasn't something he should do. Not if he wanted to keep things the same between him and Oikawa.  

Iwaizumi was debating what to do but when he didn't answer, Oikawa came closer. “Please.” He said, and his voice broke on the word and it had Iwaizumi feeling guilty for even thinking about saying no. Of course, it wasn't like he could ever refuse Oikawa anyway.

Before he could hesitate, he pulled Oikawa into a hug. He wrapped his strong arms around him, feeling his back muscles move beneath his shirt, and held him tightly. 

Oikawa was stiff for a moment, almost like he hadn’t expected him to actually hold him, so Iwaizumi rubbed his back and when he did, Oikawa melted into him and grabbed the back of his shirt in his hand and he let out a muffled cry that cut through the still room. He broke down, soaking Iwaizumi’s shirt with his tears. Iwaizumi didn't know what to say so he remained silent. He held Oikawa’s trembling body and rubbed his back soothingly, listening to him cry. Oikawa’s sobs filled the room and each one cut Iwaizumi like a knife. His friend was hurting, and he couldn’t understand why. All he knew was that if there was a way to make Oikawa’s pain his own then he would gladly do it because Oikawa was more important to him than he wanted to admit. He wanted more than anything to take his pain away, but he knew he couldn’t. All he could do was pull him closer and hope that it was enough. Hope that someday Oikawa could get past this.

He held Oikawa in his embrace, letting him cry until his body grew weak and he had no more tears in him. He felt Oikawa’s grip on the back of his shirt loosen so he pulled away, letting him out of his hold.

Oikawa just sat there in front of him, not looking him the eye. He was probably embarrassed for crying but Iwaizumi was more concerned with they way his own cheeks were burning up. He had never seen Oikawa like he was now. His shirt was hanging off his arm a little bit, revealing the line of his collarbone and the curve of his shoulder, and his dark hair was a mess, stray pieces of it were stuck to his cheek with tears and without thinking, Iwaizumi brought his hand up and placed it on Oikawa’s cheek, letting it linger there for a moment, feeling the softness of his skin, before he used a finger to move the strands of hair away. It seemed to happen in a moment and he quickly dropped his hand when he remembered that was not what friends were supposed to do, but Oikawa stared at him, eyes surprised, holding a question Iwaizumi had asked himself more than once. _Why? Why did you do that?_

Oikawa blinked and something Iwaizumi didn't recognize flashed in his eyes. “Iwa-chan, thank you.” He said, “I know you probably weren’t comfortable with that but thank you for doing as I asked anyway.” He said, moving to fix his shirt and hair.

Iwaizumi wanted to tell him how he felt. Wanted to say that he didn't mind, that he was glad he could do something to ease his pain, but he was afraid it wouldn’t come out right. He knew that right now wasn't the right time to confess how he truly felt about Oikawa. Oikawa was vulnerable, and he got the feeling that the slightest wrong move on his part would put a crack in their carefully constructed friendship and Iwaizumi wasn't going to risk that.

“It’s alright.” He managed to say.

Oikawa nodded, and Iwaizumi stood up, thinking Oikawa was ready to go now but Oikawa didn't move.

“Hey, lets go now. You're alright, aren’t you?” he questioned.

Oikawa shook his head. “No, but I will be.” He said, looking up at him, “If you promise to wait for me, I’ll come back to the team. I’ll do everything I can to get better, but only if you promise to be there when I come back.” He said.

Iwaizumi was confused. Didn't Oikawa already understand that he wasn't going anywhere. “Oikawa, the thought of playing without you is something I don’t like but if you have to take time to find your passion for the game again, I will be here when you do.”

Oikawa still didn't move, he just stared up at him with brown eyes that made Iwaizumi feel as if he were looking right into his heart. “Say you promise.”

Iwaizumi wondered why he had to say it but if it would get Oikawa to move out of this dreary locker room then he would. “I promise.” He said.

Oikawa got up, his eyes brightening a little. “How can I know for sure?” he asked, voiced laced with some of his usual charm.

“What? Cause I just promised you and I’d never break that!” he exclaimed. Oikawa knew he would never break a promise. Why was he so concerned about it and why was he looking at him like that?

Oikawa stepped closer to him, closing the already small gap between them. “Kiss me.” he blurted out, pink dusting his cheeks.  

“W-what?” had Iwaizumi heard him right? No, he couldn’t have, Oikawa would never…

Oikawa grabbed his hand. “Kiss me and I’ll believe you. I’ll trust that you’ll be waiting for me and I’ll come back.” He said, eyes searching Iwaizumi’s.

Iwaizumi felt the room shrink to just the two of them. It was just Oikawa and him and the warmth of Oikawa’s hand over his and Oikawa’s words. His words that Iwaizumi wanted so badly to trust but what if Oikawa was just trying to tease him, or just trying to use him to feel better. But when he thought about it, it didn't matter. Even if Oikawa didn't want him in the same way he did, that was okay. Just being able to be here for him was enough. If this what was Oikawa wanted, then he would do it. He would do anything for him because he was sure that was what love was.

He wrapped his fingers around Oikawa’s, lacing their hands together and he placed a hand on Oikawa’s cheek, once again feeling his soft skin and when Oikawa didn't pull back, he leaned in. “We’ll play together again.” He whispered, and he pressed his lips to Oikawa’s, kissing him with a gentleness he never knew he was capable of.  

He felt soft lips relax against his and a little moan pushed past Oikawa’s lips, causing Iwaizumi to pull back. He studied Oikawa’s expression. His eyes were brighter than they were a moment ago and his mouth was already twisting into a smile.

“Is that all you want Iwa-chan? you can do it again if that wasn't enough for you.” He said, voice only shaking a little bit.

He was nervous, Oikawa was actually nervous which meant he liked it. He wanted him to do it again and who was Iwaizumi to refuse? His body was moving before Oikawa had even finished talking, his mouth capturing Oikawa’s in a rush of passion. This time Oikawa’s hands found Iwaizumi’s shoulders and Iwaizumi’s hands found Oikawa’s hips. He wanted to hold him and kiss him forever, whatever the reason.

And then Oikawa kissed him back, with more passion than he had just done. Oikawa’s tongue slipped past his lips and entered his mouth and Iwaizumi tasted something sweet. He must have been eating something sugary for that’s all Iwaizumi could taste. Iwaizumi had never felt anything like this.

He had known what he felt for Oikawa was intense, but he never imagined just how dizzy Oikawa’s kiss would make him, or just how much he would want to run his fingers under Oikawa’s shirt, how much his hands would want to feel his smooth skin and muscles. But it was true, just a simple kiss from Oikawa had him falling apart and he had to pull away for fear of going too far. For fear of falling even more in love with him.  

He pushed Oikawa back a little and took a step back.

Oikawa looked worried. “Did you not like that. I'm sorry, I just wanted-”

“Idiot, of course I liked it!” Iwaizumi said, “I liked it too much, we shouldn’t be doing this.” He said, “friends shouldn’t kiss each other like that.”

Oikawa looked shocked but then a smile spread across his face and he laughed and the sweet sound of it caused Iwaizumi’s already full heart to burst. “Obviously not…” Oikawa said through his laughter, “but I think were more than that, don’t you?”

Of course, what Iwaizumi had been feeling for his friend was not something usual, he had always known that, and over time he even knew that what he felt for Oikawa was love but he never let himself ever accept it. He didn't want to feel that way, didn't want to like another boy yet alone his childhood friend and teammate, but right now, with Oikawa looking at him like he was crazy for never doing this before now, well he realized that denying it all this time was stupid. He was obviously the idiot here not to notice Oikawa felt the same way.

“Yeah, were definitely more than friends. I’ve actually…well truthfully, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time now.” He confessed, making Oikawa smile again.

“Me too, longer than you have probably. I just never knew how to tell you.” He said and then his face grew serious. “So, does this mean you’ll help me get better, you’ll do your best without me until I can play again?” he asked.

Iwaizumi punched him in the arm. “I’ve already said it, but you seem to have forgotten so I’ll say it again. I’ll be here for you no matter what just like I’ve always been. We’ll definitely play together again.” He said and then without much thought he added, “and I’ll even be your boyfriend, if that’s what you want.”  

Oikawa seemed startled by the word, but his eyes seemed to accept it. “Yes, that’s what I want.” He said, and he took Iwaizumi’s hand and squeezed it. “If I have your strength, I know I’ll be back on the court in no time.” He said, giving Iwaizumi a rare genuine smile.  

Iwaizumi nodded and picked up his bag and finally, they walked out of the locker room hand in hand. As they walked down the hall and out into the parking lot, Iwaizumi couldn’t help but think that if only Oikawa knew how truly strong he was on his own, he would never need him. But until he could discover that for himself, he would be here for him. Right here for as long as Oikawa needed him to be. He would give his strength and everything else to the boy he loved. And one day, they would play together again. And they would win.    

**Author's Note:**

> (If anyone was wondering about the title) In the language of flowers, the honeysuckle flower means devoted affection, happiness and everlasting bonds of love, which I think fits Iwaizumi and Oikawa perfectly.


End file.
